BIC Q1 Earnings Report Reveals Derrick 'Hollywood' Thompson as Top Sales Representative


Claiming the news did not surprise him in the slightest, BIC CEO Ken Dickey announced Wednesday morning that Derrick "Hollywood" Thompson's personal production accounted for more than 5% of the entire companies pen sales for Q1, adding that Hollywood's techniques, though unconventional in nature, are quickly becoming the industry standard.

Although Hollywood is a 20 year veteran with BIC pen company responsible for over 30 direct reports and 300 indirect employees, he leads from the front - in the field - in his case, sitting cross legged distributing hundreds of desk utensils from the sidewalk real estate opposite Foodland.

"A. B. C. - A - Always, B- Be, C - Convincing people they need more stationary desk supplies," said Hollywood to his sales staffers at their morning sit down.

"It doesn't matter what they're saying, just get a yes out of em!!" he blurted at one struggling new hire, reaching forward and shaking his body like a rag doll for exclamation. "If you're ordering a burrito and they ask you if you want guac, what're you gonna say?! Yes?!! Good - take a ten pack of ballpoint purples, they're incredibly reliable."

One local customer, Wendy Becker, finds his high pressure sales practices to be unethical. "I've been paperless since 04'", she pleaded with reporters, motioning to a nearby iPad Mini, "...but every time I walk past Lee Avenue I end up coming home like I have 1000 documents to sign!" She continued, "..he's a shark. No - a wolf. The wolf of Queen Street!"

We caught up with Hollywood moments before his 5:00 seminar. The crowd roared as he briskly and purposefully crossed the stage, hopped off the platform and fixed his gaze on a prospective salesman. Maintaining eye contact, he reached into his suit jacket pocket and removed a holographic BIC fountain tip and extended his arm. "Sell me this pen." Special thank you to Hollywood. Please support him whenever you see him out and about. Like The Beach Pickle on Facebook for crucial neighbourhood updates.


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