Student Finds Genius After Switching to Alternative School
January 17, 2016
Dylan Acton, 18, was catapulted into mainstream media Friday morning when reports of his new found genius were confirmed. Previously a C+ student at Malvern, Acton switched to S.O.L.E. for a victory lap and immediately began getting 90’s. Attending 2 hours of class a week, Acton is now receiving scholarships from top universities, proving to the world he has been a genius all along.
At press time, Acton was sporting his Father’s blazer, thesaurus in one hand and a rubik’s cube in the other. “It’s obvious what happened here”, he told reporters matter-of-factly. “Malvern smothers genius”. Studies later confirmed Acton’s statement as it was revealed that virtually every C+ student switching from Malvern to S.O.L.E. get’s a 90.
Many of Dylan’s friends were surprised at the news, claiming just last week he thought chocolate milk was produced via brown cow. Acton scoffed at the allegations, suggesting he had “outgrown those fools", many currently attending top universities.
These days, Acton can be found eavesdropping on conversations in local coffee shops correcting grammar. “Whomever”, he’ll say before patting your head. “You have so much to learn young Padawan."
"Tesla, Einstein, Trump, all us geniuses just need the right setting to get started”, Dylan explained.
The Pickle has begun researching several possibly genius smothering universities across Canada after finding out that upon attending said university, many S.O.L.E. graduates again become mediocre students.