A local Beach resident was stunned when he received his second parking ticket in 2 months. “I’m not driving anymore”, said the resident throwing up his arms in defeat. He requested his name remain anonymous for fear the parking police will track down his vehicle with prejudice.
Steve Wilcox, a friend of the aforementioned, was available to comment on the situation. “They’ve really gotten to him", he explained. "Yesterday I saw him biking his son's hockey equipment to practice just to avoid having to park. Terrible tragedy."
“They don’t even get paid commission” the anonymous resident explained. “I mean a person like that can only be motivated by pure evil." He ducked behind a trash bin outside The Bean Coffee Shop, thinking he saw a parking officer coming. “Just a regular cop”, he sighed, “basically powerless in comparison."