Area Man Caught Without Poop Bag on Queen Street
QUEEN - Nervously chewing his bottom lip as his Russell Terrier circled the sidewalk, area man Mike Shaari nearly fainted after realizing he did not have a poop bag for his dog outside Rowe Farms on Queen St., sources confirmed Sunday.
“He doesn’t normally poo twice in one day!”, explained the 32 year old, continuing to rummage through his coat pockets to signal his good intentions to passersby. Witnesses report Shaari searched his pockets for an entire 10 minutes as low browed pedestrians sidestepped the mess spanning a good portion of the busy sidewalk.
“I’m not a bad person”, said the shamefaced Shaari. “I’m the victim here!” Shaari is one of many dog-owners in the area stigmatized by the lack of multiple poop bags. “How can you honestly be prepared for that.” He said, “The pressure in this area is too high, something needs to change”.
Mac’s Milk security cameras later revealed Shaari checking to see the coast was clear, then high tailing it with his Terrier down Hammersmith and out of sight. Shaari has since checked in for psychiatric aid and is reportedly experiencing post-traumatic tendencies.