Malvern Student Claims Connection to L.A. Gang
Reports from a 14 year-old’s troubling account reveal the life behind gangs in the Beaches. “The streets be hard out here,” said the...
Local Mom Feeling Cool Since Daughter Bought Same Shoes
Local Mom Sheila Cuthbert, 46, was ecstatic yesterday when her daughter came home with a set of newly purchased Blundstones. Sheila, who...
New Trendy Store Opens in Beaches, Closes
Amidst an array of confusion and robust economics, the newly opened trendy spot (whose location and name will remain unidentified) in the...
Area Man 'Stuck a Drift Too Dirty for Words'
KEW GDNS - The first large snowfall came suddenly Tuesday morning - and with it a wave of news stories. Area man Thomas Walker, 18,...
Peppery Cat Marketing Stunt Ends with Arrest
PPRY CAT - Spirits were low Sunday morning as Peppery Cat employees geared up for yet another snail paced day. The launch party 2 weeks...
Local Man Terrified of Parking Cops
A local Beach resident was stunned when he received his second parking ticket in 2 months. “I’m not driving anymore”, said the resident...
Biker Reporting People Too Slow For Bike Path
BDWK AREA - Marcel Wilson, 48, was spotted with a stopwatch near the Kew Gardens Tennis Club timing passers by. “Can you believe this?”...
Man Injured by Child During Kingston Road Santa Claus Parade
OUTSIDE GABBY'S - Sources confirmed that a local man was violently peppered with candy canes during the Santa Clause parade. “It was an...
Glen Ames Student Offended by Crossing Guard's Help
GLEN AMES - “Who does he think he is?” Exclaimed Reuben Anderson, 13, flush with rage. Reuben told reporters that the Williamson Road...
Beach Ratio of Dogs to Humans Now 1:1
BDWK AREA - The population of dogs in The Beach area has reportedly reached 40,000 dogs, matching the number of local residents. With...